There is an old cliché that at the end of each year that passes you finally look at the things accomplished and think: really could have done better, will do it all next year. I am guilty of that. Every year I always tell myself that I need to strive to do all of this and all of that but the real truth is that in 2019 I hope for none of it.
The only thing that I hope for in 2019 is that I learn to try.
I have always been someone who is extremely intense, meaning that regardless of what I am doing, I will expect myself to be the best at it. For example, I recently started dancing ballet again, which is not only something completely out of my comfort zone but also something that brings me a great deal of frustration because my body can’t seem to move the way it is supposed to. Turns out I am pretty much the worst dancer ever.
There have been quite a couple times where I thought about quitting or even cried a little after my classes because of the expectations I set for myself. How do you expect someone who hasn’t danced in 5 years to dance like a professional ballerina? You don’t. Nobody expected that from me but myself.
To my surprise, however, today my ballet teacher told me she saw how hard I was trying and that made her very happy. She asked me if I would be interested in trying pointe work next term and taking an exam in March of 2020 which gives me plenty of time to learn the syllabus. I am by no means the best in the class but she still recognized my efforts. I know that it isn’t something huge but she did something that I have never been able to do. She gave me credit for trying my hardest every single class. She recognized that I was trying.
I think that we always applaud ourselves because of our achievements and successes but we fail to recognize how important trying actually is. If we never try, we will never succeed. There has been a pessimistic thought that began to stick by me at the beginning of the year; I started to think that my best was never enough hence I would never really try. It had a lot of negative consequences in my life to say the least and for now, that deserves my full attention in order for it to be fixed.
In 2019 the only thing I hope to do is try my best at everything that I do. Regardless if that is in school or ballet for example. I understand that it won’t be an easy task or a task that I can accomplish in one night but I do know that even if I don’t succeed I will be able to learn a thing or two along the way.